They So Totally Dig Each Other
by Roxius
Summary: Kyle thinks Cartman and Wendy secretly love each other, Craig doesn't want to believe it, Butters is sceptical, and apparently Kyle and Stan are lovers. I never thought I'd write anything for South Park in my whole life. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.

A/N: Yeah, I kinda like this show now...I don't know why, but Cartman X Wendy and Wendy X Bebe are my favorite pairings for this show...

Also, Kenny and Stan are mysteriously absent from this fic...although they are mentioned...and a slight mention at one-sided Craig X Wendy, too...

* * *

"WATCH IT, FATASS!!!"

"SHUT UP, YOU HO!!!"

As Cartman and Wendy once again broke out into another rage-fueled argument against one another, both Craig and Butters turned to Kyle with incredulous looks on their faces.

"So...you're saying that Cartman and Wendy are actually DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?!!" Craig exclaimed in disbelief.

Kyle nodded. "Yeah...it's so obvious, isn't it?"

"Uh...not really, no..." Butters spoke up, shaking his head.

"C'mon, you guys really don't see it?!" Kyle exclaimed, "I mean...just look at them!! They totally dig each other!!"

Craig and Butters looked again; Cartman was now holding his hands over his head in defense as Wendy tried to smack him with her lunch tray.

They turned back to Kyle, still unable to believe it.

"Yeaaaaaah...uh, I just don't see it...it's not possible..." Craig replied, taking a sip of his juice.

Butters nodded in agreement. "No offense, Kyle, but I don't think getting hit over the head with a lunch tray means they love you..."

Kyle sighed, and placed his fork down as he began to explain. "Look, it's like this...every time Wendy calls Cartman a 'fatass', a 'bastard', a 'asshole' or any other of the many insulting names that fit a person such as him...that's like Wendy's way of saying 'I love you'. The same goes for Cartman; his nickname for her of 'ho' is really like his way of letting her know that he cares. Every hateful action, every hate-filled insult they throw at each other, is a declaration of love!!!"

Craig rolled his eyes. "That's such a dumbass way of thinking. I'd expect this from Cartman himself, not you of all people, Kyle!! It's not possible for them to like each other!! It's not!!!" he snapped.

"...And what makes you say that?" Kyle asked him.

"Well, for one thing, they hate each other's guts!!!" Craig pointed out.

"Y-Yeah!" Butters interjected, "And...and...and they have nothing in common, too!!!"

Kyle chuckled at the two boys' small knowledge concerning the subject. "How can you be so sure? I mean...remember that whole debate thing regarding the town's flag? They were pretty close then; Wendy even KISSED that fat bastard, for Christ's sake!!"

Craig had to admit that Kyle did have a point there. "Yeah, I know...but still...IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, I TELL YOU!!! IT'S FUCKIN' IMPOSSIBLE!!! I MEAN, WITH THE WAY THEY FIGHT ALL THE TIME, HOW WOULD THEY HAVE A DECENT RELATIONSHIP?!!"

"Sometimes relationships run solely on the discontentment the lovers hold for each other..."

"THAT'S A GODDAMN LOAD OF BULL CRAP!!!" Craig shouted, slamming his hands on the table.

Butters glanced over at the two supposed lovebirds again; they were now tearing at each other's hair while screaming curse words like crazy.

"...You know, maybe it COULD work out for them..." Butters muttered under his breath.

"OH MY GOD, NOT YOU TOO!!" Craig screamed at the little blond boy, "CARTMAN AND WENDY ARE NOT IN LOVE, GOT IT?!!! IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN!!! NEVER, I SAY!!! NEVER!!!!"

"Craig, are you just upset because you like Wendy and you don't want a selfish dickhead like Cartman taking her from you?" Kenny asked, resting his head in his hand.

Although his cheeks became bright red, Craig said nothing in response, and he flipped Kyle off before walking away. Kyle and Butters looked at each other and shrugged in unison.

Deciding to change the subject, Butters asked, "By the way, Kyle...where's Stan and Kenny? You three are usually always together..."

Kyle shrugged, but then he grimaced. "I dunno. Probably makin' out somewhere or something...not my problem...not at all...nope...I'm not bothered by it...not in the slightest...not me, I'm not jealous...no, no, no...I'm perfectly happy with my two friends, one of them being STAN, making out together as lovers...it doesn't piss me off...I'm not broken-hearted, or infuriated, or anything...ha ha ha ha ha...I'M HAPPY FOR THEM, REALLY..." he said, his words dripping with venom.

Muttering under his breath, Kyle began to viciously stab a piece of meat on his plate with a plastic fork in a violent fashion.

Butters sighed. 'My friends are a bunch of weirdos...'


End file.
